An Excerpt from my newest piece I’m working on for Beatdom

Posted: March 9, 2010 in Beatdom Pieces
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
4:25 P.M.- The Sugar Dick Daddy From Cincinnati.
The mood has somewhat settled now that we’re all out of the claustrophobic confines of the Cougar and can breathe actual air rather than recycled Taco Hell and blunt breath. Slimmy is staggering up down the aisles of the store aimlessly eyeballing chocolate covered mini donuts. I can hear Verbs cackling in that evil schoolgirl giggle of his. He and Catlin are holding these water bottles with the heads of Powder Puff  Girls on them and picking out the different characters to match our party’s different personalities He hands me the professor. I think to myself. “Hey it’s better than being branded a Powder Puff Girl.” I pay for the gas and ask the attendant for directions to Annie’s. She’s a short pudgy little troll with hair and skin that looks as if she toweled herself off  with old greasy pizza boxes every morning after taking a Crisco mud bath.
“Uh, no I dun’t I’m new round these purts.” She answers in a Kentucky dry county drawl so thick that it let’s you know her family tree is more trunk than branches. She’s probably just come down from the hills fresh off her shift guarding her Paw’s still no doubt. Jesus why are you doing this to me? What on earth did I do to deserve this? Was I Hitler’s right hand man at Auschwitz in my last life? These are the question my angry inner voice is asking as I listen to this poster child for inbreeding try and answer my questions the best she can.
I walk out the door with a little less faith in evolution. I see Catlin leaning against the Cougar pumping gas. He looks like a giant clown. He’s a great friend and a good hearted gentle giant but has not a lick of fashion sense. He’s wearing an oversized silk shirt with a scene of some people playing a game of cee-lo across the entire thing with a pair of jeans with horrible graffiti scrawled across his right thigh. Verbs is no doubt getting ups in the bathroom. While Slimmy is still inside debating on donut and beef jerky brands.
I’m left shaking my head and still asking what the hell I did to deserve this. Suddenly a candy apple red Cadillac long as city block with a vanity plate that reads SGRDKDDY pulls in. “Super freak, Super freak, she’s very freaky” is blaring out the speakers. My eyes watch in amusement as a very slick yet loudly dressed man about 70 years old and about 7’ tall climbs out from behind the wheel. Upon further inspection I notice his automobile is chock full o’ sluts. Something tells me this guy has to know where Annie’s Disco is with out a doubt.
“Excuse me sir?”
“Yeah, Playa what can I do you for? You interested in the company of one my elegant ladies? Because there are none finer from China all the way to North Carolina.” He answers in a booming baritone.
“No, no, that’s ok not at the moment anyways. You wouldn’t happen to know how to get to Annie’s disco would you?”
“Shit Playa can a hoe with no teeth still suck a dick?”
A few minutes of conversation and we finally have directions we all feel comfortable could actually be correct. We all pile into the Cougar and thank him, compliment him on his car, stable of hoes and ask his name. He replies
“Everybody knows the only Mac with all the hoes an a Caddy this Candy is the Mac they call the Sugar Dick Daddy From Cincinnati!”

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