Letter To The Founding Church Of Scientology In Regards To The Sale Of Tom Cruise’s Ass Sweat

Posted: March 11, 2010 in letters
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Founding Church of Scientology, Washington D.C.
1424 16th St. NW
Washington, DC 20036
United States
Edaurdo Jones
Andover, Ma. 01810

To Whom it may concern; I am writing this letter to tell you of my new idea to get you more fellowship, publicity, and cash flow. After all that’s what Scientology is all about correct. It’s a simple plan really, First you’d need to put your spokesman Tom Cruise in a special suit I’ve developed just for this purpose. Once we have Mr. Cruise in the suit we can begin putting him through a vigorous exercise routine. You may be asking yourself by now what does putting Tom Cruise in a special suit have anything to do with publicity or making us cash. Well my special suit is designed to collect and filter Tom’s ass sweat. Phase two of my plan involves bottling Tom’s ass sweat. Why bottle Tom’s ass sweat you ask. Well if you are un aware of the ED Hardy crowd, they are Pop Culture addled morons who will buy, consume, or wear anything just because some celebrity endorses it. So I say Tom is constantly training to get in shape for his next blockbuster movie, all that sweat is going to waste. Someone should be making a buck off it. Think about it, Tom is on strict diet etc, during the process of getting in shape for a role. Some of those nutrients and things must come out in his sweat, and what could be more all natural and drug free than Tom Cruises ass sweat. We all know the Church Of Scientology does not agree with any kind of chemicals etc. We coul say it’s the newest miracle health elixir! Once we get Tom’s ass sweat bottled in a lovely rhinestone encrusted bottle these mindless zombies will be buying it up by the case full. I am willing to only take a 15% share on this venture. I am anxiously awaiting your reply. Sincerely, Edaurdo Jones


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