The Devil in Mr. Jones.. Wrote this when I was in a very dark place..

Posted: June 16, 2010 in Uncategorized
I guess it’s time I just told the truth
Well by now I guess everyone’s sick of the old stories. So I’ve decided to just tell you what the hell is really going on.
Many a person has asked. What my job is?What does it entail? Well it’s really quite simple my friend. I’m a collector of course. I collect the weak, the greedy, the corrupt, the ignorant, the foolish, the lazy, the vain, and all different assortments of character flaws.
How do I do this? Well it’s a fine art I’ve perfected over several thousand lifetimes. You see I can sell ice cubes and porn to blind Eskimos. The only thing is I’m not selling any kind of product. I’m selling a dream nothing more than that.
I simply exploit the very characteristics I collect. I show them a system they can never follow. Due to the fore mentioned flaws. Then well it’s not hard to tell exactly what the hell they had to sell.
The funny thing is I’m not even evil, contrary to popular belief. It’s just the job I was tossed down into.
Because I’m funny, smart, handsome, and look so very harmless looking. My eyes are hypnotizing and trusting. But look a little bit deeper and you’ll see yourself shadow boxing with your soul. I’d like to thank Nathaniel Clark for that dark piece of gold.
Why do you think I love my dark glasses so much. After all those tinted lenses are the fences that hold back a trillion tortured souls.
You see only so many of you are actually allowed to walk through those pearly gates. So I have quoatas to make. It’s my job to hold you all back.
I show you how easy it is to be just like me! The problem is none of you are me. You’re human- you have free will. I’m only allowed to follow the rules I’ve been shown.
I can’t force you to do any of the things you do. I just know what makes you tick. Some of you seek power, others stardom, throw in the occasional sadist here and there, and then some…. Well…. They’re just plain stupid.
Those are the easiest to collect. They don’t even understand the basic concept here.
Sure you’re probably reading this not believing a single word of it. If you know me though, you know I only ever speak the truth. Haven’t you ever wondered why I act so old, but look so young. Or why I look like or remind you of someone you used to know? How I can speak in any accent, or seem to talk in many tongues?
Because I am a mirror reflecting everyone and everything back into the world. Hey it’s a gift from the guy who told you…. To be very-very-very-wary of me. He’s far more twisted than me. That’s all I’m saying.
Let’s dispel some of the myths you may have heard about me. I can stand on holy ground. Shit, I’ve been to church hundreds of God damn times. Hell I even tried being born again.
I’m not everywhere all the time. I’m not omnipotent. Only Santa Claus knows if you’ve been bad or good. Well him and the guy looking down at all of you.
I do have a rather strange form of immortality. Yes I can physically die, but then I’m just reincarnated and the cycle begins again and again.
I only need to personally collect X amount of souls per life time. See I have a clause in my contract that allows me to collect other souls with no contact. The ones who break the big ten as I like to call them.
My job is to get the ones teetering on the edge. What you don’t know is this. The minute your soul was created, you signed a contract with God. One to obey HIS rules. So for example Serial Killers, child molestors, and rapists…. Well,  I have no part in that. They are in direct breach of contract. Which means. Guess what? They automatically don’t pass go, and I still get their soul.
I just travel a bunch. Some how some one all ways takes me in. I rarely ever have problems. In fact most people love me!
I guess, in a way, I just use reverse psychology. Don’t do this. Really that’s against the rules! I thrive on the simple fact that most people think they can beat a system, any system. Their way will surely be better!
You’re all such foolish children! Incapable of just listening. The very, very, very, few of you who actually listen. They pass a test. They never even knew they were taking.
I’ll tell you from the very beginning, exactly what not to do. Don’t do those things and I can’t take it. But like I said I know people and I’m very good at my job. So I see the flaws in you. The ones you don’t. Then I tempt them with my laws.
For instance…. Show some young man how easy it is for him to get what he wants from my game. Sex, admiration, money, shit even just a simple high. Then they almost always want to play. They don’t see I’m really very honest. They feel they need to lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to get what  I have. Absolute nonsense. Honesty is always the best policy.
I’ll allow you to fuck up and smile about it. Watch you dig your self deeper and deeper. Then simpley because I’m your friend to the end. I need you I really do. You’ll start giving me whatever you can. Just to keep getting it. Until there’s nothing left to give me but your soul.
Here’s a simple equation to show you who I am. It’s my birth date. It is and always will be for all eternity March 18th. March is the third month representing the ascending number 3. How many times does 3 ascend into 18? 6 correct? So 3/18 = 6+6+6 or simply put 666.
Well by now you’re either bored or very frightened and thinking about staying very,very,very far away from me. Or just maybe, you think this is just a joke. Well if you do think this is a joke and want to test it.Go ahead. I promise I’ll get everything I want by the time you and I are through.
I really was his favorite Saint. Until that tiny little disagreement a few thousand years ago. Oh by the way it really did start with some forbidden fruit. That was the  original rule. Anything but that fruit! Don’t blame me! Blame him! He gave you free will not me! I just said ” Hey why not eat it?”
He always knew he only had so much room at his house.So he hooked me up with a place to take all the free thinkers.
Of course it’s evolved from fruit into powders and pretty little crystals, but hey it’s all the same. Most of the time I just act like I’m out of my mind, and don’t have a clue. But I always do. Every penny short is just another one I’m getting back. Until well, all the penny’s in the bottom of your wishing well won’t save you from hell.
In closing I’d like to paraphrase some of the better ones people have used to introduce me and where you’ll be heading…
There’s plenty of room at the Hotel California….. I’m pleased to meet you… Hope you guessed my name…
Your best friend, S.
P.S. I just wanted you to know I like you so much. That I’m hating my job right now. I really just needed to get that off my chest.

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