A letter to the good people at Nabisco

Posted: September 6, 2010 in letters
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

To Whom It May Concern; I’m writing this letter in regard to your product, Oreo “Funstix”.  I recently had a party at my house. It was a nice gathering with over 50 of my closest friends. I had bought this product as a snack for guests. Well, let me tell you these funstix were the hit of my party. As with most parties, we had some very special party favors, and unfortunately I had run out of straws, and sniffing uncut Peruvian cocaine through a hundred dollar bill is just, well, too 1982.  Nobody wants to catch hepatitis. So we took a chance on using a Funstix to do the job. This was the perfect instrument to sniff lines as thick as a Cuban cigar and long as my coffee table. The diameter of your funstix is perfect for inhaling monster lines unhindered by the small circumference of a drinking straw. I never thought in all my years I’d rather sniff coke through anything but the handcrafted gold plated double headed tooter, I had received as a personal gift from Keith Richards.  Keith and I go way back. I met him at the Betty Ford Center in the mid 80’s and we struck up a friendship.

Anyways I just wanted to tell you, I don’t know if it was the mix of real sugar and booger sugar or what, but these things took us higher than we’ve ever been. I will never use anything but an Oreo Funstix to sniff cocaine, crystal meth, heroin, airplane glue or anything else I can crush up and sniff up my nose, for the rest of my life.  Thank you for creating such a marvelous product, your oreo loving buddy Edaurdo Jones.

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Comments
  1. Frickin’ Awesome! Oh man, Just frickin’ awesome. Very Nice job.

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