Posted: November 4, 2010 in letters, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Help wanted- “Personal ASSistant”

I’m in need of personal ASSistant, the young lady who previously held this position unfortunately can no longer work as my personal ASSistant, due to certain medical conditions. You must meet the following requirements.

1-    Live no closer than a 2.5 hour drive from my residence. I only really need you 1 week every other month. I don’t need you constantly around the office or just popping in unannounced.

2-    Have excellent “oral communication” skills.

3-    Not be scared to get dirty

4-    Be able to take Dicktation at any given moment.

5-    Being a little anal about your job is always a plus.

6-    Be on birth control- I don’t need you to have to quit your job, because you decided to go get knocked up by some asshole at the bar.

7-    Provide medical history and vaccination records

8-    Drivers license is a plus because I hate to drive and may need you to run errands like running to the liquor store, or to get me cigarettes, or drive me to and from the bar.

9-    Provide me with medication as needed for my glaucoma and chronic neck pain, and occasional headache.

10-                       Be able to proof read and copyedit my writing as needed.

If you meet these requirements and you’re up for this exciting career opportunity as a very introverted and sometimes extremely extroverted, always eccentric writer’s personal ASSistant. Please apply below. Sincerely, Edaurdo Jones


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