I am constantly trying to get involved in new and different projects, with like minded mutants. I have recently decided to start a very demented series of comics, with my good friend, and amazing illustrator Alfonso Sham A. Lam Esq… I will be handling the writing of the comics and Sham will be bringing these demented tales to life with his amazing artistic talents. The following is the story out line for our first strip, Great Moments in Pain, The life of Johnson Farfer IV. The comic should be done around the end of September, but Sham and I were so excited about this project, we decided to give you a teaser.
Great moments in pain.
Johnson Farfer IV. 1843- 1928.
Johnson Farfer IV, Was born in 1843, the son of a circus fat lady and a midget contortionist. His parents tragically died, when a rabid elephant trampled their tent in 1845, leaving Farfer an orphan, at the age of two. The ringmaster of the Giuseppe & Lindini Traveling Circus and Side Show extravaganza, decided young Farfer wasn’t of any value to the show, so he was sold to the Sisters of Castration Home for Wayward Boys, in Festering Boils, North Dakota, for the price of two Billy goats, and a half eaten head cheese sandwich.
Farfer would spend the next 7 years with the Sisters of Castration; performing Billy goat castrations with his teeth, as was the style in Wayward boy homes during the mid 1800’s. In the year of our lord 1852, fate would smile on young Farfar, he was adopted by a one legged Norwegian prostitute named Maggie “The Rusty Trombone” Schvergerson. Maggie would take Farfer away from Festering Boils, North Dakota to live with her at a brothel she ran in a small port town called Misty Waters, Maine.
It would be here in Misty Waters that young Farfer would take up an apprenticeship as a Junior Womb scraper, under the tutelage of master abortionist and blacksmith Seamus O’Sulligan. It was a good career path for young Farfer. His adoptive mother ran the busiest brothel in all of Maine. So the services of a junior womb scraper were always in need.
In July, of 1868, Farfer had been promoted to Master Abortionist upon the retirement of Seamus O’Sulligan. The ladies of the Puckering Starfish brothel threw a party in honor of this on July, 13th. Early on the morning of July 14th Farfer was called to do an emergency abortion. A drunk and naked Farfer, while rushing to gather his tools of the trade, would slip on a puddle of his own semen, somehow catching his urethra on the end of his womb scarper, which was hanging on his wall. This date would go down in History as a great moment in pain. Johnson Farfer IV had successfully stretched his urethra 8.5” in the fall.