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Help wanted- “Personal ASSistant”

I’m in need of personal ASSistant, the young lady who previously held this position unfortunately can no longer work as my personal ASSistant, due to certain medical conditions. You must meet the following requirements. (more…)



Posted: October 21, 2010 in Uncategorized


I am constantly trying to get involved in new and different projects, with like minded mutants. I have recently decided to start a very demented series of comics, with my good friend, and amazing illustrator Alfonso Sham A. Lam Esq… I will be handling the writing of the comics and Sham will be bringing these demented tales to life with his amazing artistic talents. The following is the story out line for our first strip, Great Moments in Pain, The life of Johnson Farfer IV.  The comic should be done around the end of September, but Sham and I were so excited about this project, we decided to give you a teaser.

Great moments in pain.

Johnson  Farfer  IV. 1843- 1928.

Johnson Farfer IV, Was born in 1843, the son of a circus fat lady and a midget contortionist.  His parents tragically died, when a rabid elephant trampled their tent in 1845, leaving Farfer an orphan, at the age of two.  The ringmaster of the Giuseppe & Lindini Traveling Circus and Side Show extravaganza, decided young Farfer wasn’t of any value to the show, so he was sold to the Sisters of Castration Home for Wayward Boys, in Festering Boils, North Dakota, for the price of two Billy goats, and a half eaten head cheese sandwich.

Farfer would spend the next 7 years with the Sisters of Castration; performing Billy goat castrations with his teeth, as was the style in Wayward boy homes during the mid 1800’s.  In the year of our lord 1852, fate would smile on young Farfar, he was adopted by a one legged Norwegian prostitute named Maggie “The Rusty Trombone” Schvergerson.  Maggie would take Farfer away from Festering Boils, North Dakota to live with her at a brothel she ran in a small port town called Misty Waters, Maine.

It would be here in Misty Waters that young Farfer would take up an apprenticeship as a Junior Womb scraper, under the tutelage of master abortionist and blacksmith Seamus O’Sulligan.  It was a good career path for young Farfer. His adoptive mother ran the busiest brothel in all of Maine. So the services of a junior womb scraper were always in need.

In July, of 1868, Farfer had been promoted to Master Abortionist upon the retirement of Seamus O’Sulligan. The ladies of the Puckering Starfish brothel threw a party in honor of this on July, 13th.   Early on the morning of July 14th Farfer was called to do an emergency abortion. A drunk and naked Farfer, while rushing to gather his tools of the trade, would slip on a puddle of his own semen, somehow catching his urethra on the end of his womb scarper, which was hanging on his wall. This date would go down in History as a great moment in pain. Johnson Farfer IV had successfully stretched his urethra 8.5” in the fall.

My mind is being plagued by dreams, lately. It’s the same dream night after night. In the dream, I’m seated at a desk on the beach, the Ocean is in front of the desk, the waves are towering 100’s of feet in the air. There is no storm though; it’s a bright sunny day.  My thoughts are extremely lucid. I’m writing in this dream. I’m working on something of epic proportions. I can feel the words pouring out of me, I can see them on the page, but I cannot read; what I’m writing. All I can do is hear the keystrokes, the roar of the ocean, and feel the emotion of the words, as I gaze out at the sea.

The water in the ocean is crystal clear. I can see giant fish swimming through the waves. It’s as if they are suspended in animation at times. With every keystroke the waves grow larger, but I am at peace. There is no fear, but rather a comfort I cannot describe.

What does this mean? I’ll be damned if I know. What I do know is; I do not like waking from this dream. It’s as if I feel I need to finish, every time I wake up, I try my hardest to get back to it. But as many of you know, it is nearly impossible to find the exact dream; you just awoke from in your subconscious, once you venture back into it. But for some reason I’ve had this same dream for 7 consecutive nights.

If anybody can help me figure out what this means, I invite you to do so.  It must have some sort of significance. Why else would I continue to dream the exact same dream night after night?