Excerpt from Deep Fried Duct Tape And Sushi Knives- Beatdom Issues 4&5

Illustration by Stammy Asend

In the morning, Shelly decided he wanted to go exploring. Jen was tired so I opted to go with him. He had a video camera so we filmed much of the adventure. We drove around the city taking in the ghetto ambience of Detroit. Then we decided it’d be a good idea to go to one of the many Casinos downtown.

With my best Raoul Duke impression, I made my way across the main floor of the casino… Whirling lights, sirens, and the sound of falling coins filled the air as I walked past the one armed bandits. I watched as a group of blue-haired octogenarians feverishly pumped coins into the machines, giggling like schoolgirls every time they won. To my right I watched the hardcore gaming junkies – guys who lived breathed and ate gambling. Who else would be sitting counting chips at nine o’clock on a Tuesday morning? Only bottom of the barrel junkies.

Everything that has addictive properties has its own form of addict. We’re all the same, though, whether your drug of choice is class- A- Columbian cocaine or collecting Hummel figurines. We’ll do anything to obtain the high we get from said drug of choice, and everything’s a drug to someone. So basically, the human race is a species of junkies any way you slice it. At a casino, early in the morning, you see them all. It’s the house that broken dreams built.

Now, I’m not going to wrap you up in all the details of my trip to the casino on this day. I’ve got far better casino stories to share at some point. Let’s just say this trip wasn’t a winning trip to the casino. It basically consisted of Shelly and I drinking at the bar and pumping twenty-dollar bills into video poker machines at an alarming rate. Once the house broke us, and it didn’t take long, we made our way back to Jen’s house.

Freak was there with his mule, Holly. He was getting ready to fly to San Francisco, and figured it’d be a good idea if I went down to Columbus to tie up some loose ends. So that was the plan. I’d drive down with Shelly, take care of some simple business, and wait for Freak to return.

Real simple.

Shelly and I bonded a little bit over this trip. I had pumped him full of chapters from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. One chapter that I was particularly of was the art of employing spies. I had a small ongoing bit of a turf war in Columbus. I knew Shelly dealt with, and was friendly with, some of these people. So I was employing a spy. He had a few people in Columbus who owed him some money. I told him I’d be happy to help collect it for him. I knew this would

by Edaurdo Jones

In the morning, Shelly decided he wanted to go exploring. Jen was tired so I opted to go with him. He had a video camera so we filmed much of the adventure. We drove around the city taking in the ghetto ambience of Detroit. Then we decided it’d be a good idea to go to one of the many Casinos downtown.With my best Raoul Duke impression, I made my way across the main floor of the casino… Whirling lights, sirens, and the sound of falling coins filled the air as I walked past the one armed bandits. I watched as a group of blue-haired octogenarians feverishly pumped coins into the machines, giggling like schoolgirls every time they won. To my right I watched the hardcore gaming junkies – guys who lived breathed and ate gambling. Who else would be sitting counting chips at nine o’clock on a Tuesday morning? Only bottom of the barrel junkies.Everything that has addictive properties has its own form of addict. We’re all the same, though, whether your drug of choice is class- A- Columbian cocaine or collecting Hummel figurines. We’ll do anything to obtain the high we get from said drug of choice, and everything’s a drug to someone. So basically, the human race is a species of junkies any way you slice it. At a casino, early in the morning, you see them all. It’s the house that broken dreams built.Now, I’m not going to wrap you up in all the details of my trip to the casino on this day. I’ve got far better casino stories to share at some point. Let’s just say this trip wasn’t a winning trip to the casino. It basically consisted of Shelly and I drinking at the bar and pumping twenty-dollar bills into video poker machines at an alarming rate. Once the house broke us, and it didn’t take long, we made our way back to Jen’s house.Freak was there with his mule, Holly. He was getting ready to fly to San Francisco, and figured it’d be a good idea if I went down to Columbus to tie up some loose ends. So that was the plan. I’d drive down with Shelly, take care of some simple business, and wait for Freak to return.Real simple.Shelly and I bonded a little bit over this trip. I had pumped him full of chapters from Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. One chapter that I was particularly of was the art of employing spies. I had a small ongoing bit of a turf war in Columbus. I knew Shelly dealt with, and was friendly with, some of these people. So I was employing a spy. He had a few people in Columbus who owed him some money. I told him I’d be happy to help collect it for him.